


Touch Starved

by LyingTurtle



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/M, Hair-pulling, Human Isolation, Masturbation, Plant Monster is in here, Shower stuff, Stripping, Takes place in a Spoiler Free non descript time period, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:50:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyingTurtle/pseuds/LyingTurtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to be in a tin can hurtling through space with only three other human beings for countless days.  It's very, very hard.  So when enough stress and isolation finally start taking hold, who can blame them for taking it a little too far?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Space is a Lonely Place

**Author's Note:**

> Do I usually write straight people? No. Am I fully caught up with the podcast? Not quite. However none of that has stopped me from swallowing my dignity to churning out more porn for this fucking amazing podcast.

It’s the lack of oxygen.  It’s definitely the adrenaline, the possible head wound, the definite bodily trauma, and the crushing sense of helplessness as yet another thing breaks on this god forsaken ship.  There are countless possibilities for pretending to be unconscious so you could stay under his body longer as you two laid there in the debris and rubble of the latest explosion and pressure burst.

You could have moved as soon as you woke up, make sure there wasn’t a round two to your fucked up merry-go-round of impending doom.  But you didn’t, you didn’t move at all because it was more worth it to process what had happened and relish in the immediate feeling of warmth that spread through your chest.  Eiffel had tried to cover you from the blast, and as much as you tried to blame it on trauma, you didn’t want to move from under him because it just felt so good to have remotely intimate human contact for the first time in… years?

“Holy SHIT!” Eiffel coughed as he rose from his dazed state, groaning and moving to get leverage by planting his hand beside your head and pushing himself to lean up a little.  Stretched out across you, some small mass of rubble on top of you two keeping your bodies pressed together.  “This is not the outcome I thought would happen from a goddamn yahtzee game!  Hey comman- oh fuck, Minkowski!  You okay?”

“I would be if you’d quit yelling” you mutter, fluttering your eyes open and getting your vision to go back into a clear state.  Seeing doubles wasn’t a good sign.  “I think I bashed my head in good.  What’s the deck look like?”  Eiffel didn’t shift his position as he looked around at your surroundings.

“Lots of sweeping, that’s what it looks like”

“Airlock properly sealed?”

“Yep, green light and everything.  There are some loose wires hanging down by the door though, probably should avoid those” now he moves.  The absence of his body does well to alert you of the rapidly cooling room.  Crawling out a bit, you get yourself on your knees and then a supportive hand from the communications officer brings you to your feet.  As soon as the emergency gravity requires you to be balanced, you find yourself slamming straight into a wall.

“Umm, commander, I know it’s pretty disappointing but I didn’t peg you for the dramatic type” he tries to joke because he knows you can hear the nervousness in his voice as quickly starts moving around to try and be beside you.  You open your eyes only to find the room spin again and suddenly your legs are buckling and you’re crumpling to the ground.

His arms catch you, of course they do.  So instead of using your strength trying to communicate important messages while Eiffel yells for Hera and Hilbert through a stream of curses, you decide to focus on what you could convince yourself could be the reason that you find yourself gratefully leaning into him.  Your legs get swept up and you feel yourself begin to get carried.  The room isn’t cold anymore.

 

-

 

There’s sunlight on your face.  The cool lapping of water against your legs is a sweet relief from the brilliant rays and the heat it brings.  You open your eyes and for a moment there’s nothing but the soft blues and greens of water and flora.  You open your eyes a second time and there’s the stark white wall of a laboratory.  Stark white patient bed mat, overhead lights, and dressing gown.  Dressing gown?  Oh fuck no.

“Ah!  Welcome back commander” Dr. Hilbert greeted as he entered the room abruptly, making you jump a little.

“Status report, doctor” you groan, putting a hand up to your head and quickly flinching it away from the sharp sting that came from touching the bandage.

“Well short version is that you have minor head trauma and concussion.  You had all sorts of little nicks for blood to leave so I went ahead and did a full body assessment while you were unconscious.  Hope you don’t mind” you tried very hard not to shiver with discomfort at the image of your naked body laying on the table for Hilbert to have his creepy scientist way with.

“Great, that will be fun to get work done with” you sit to lean up on the bed, thankful that the gown isn’t open in the back and is instead just a small thing buttoned up from the front.  Maybe if you’re lucky you can get to your bunk before Eiffel seeing you and laughing his head off about it for the next whole star sweep.

“Oh no Commander, you will not be working.  You would not want to further your concussion damage and then force me to resort to using inadequate equipment to heal very delicate neurological processes.  I would strongly suggest you take a very peaceful nap!  I will come in to check on you shortly” he nodded, as if agreeing to his own advice before grabbing a clipboard and walking off.

You’d push the limits of his medical advice later, for now the soreness of waking up was just too much to bear in this creepy science dungeon.  Getting to your feet, you start out towards the door with cautious steps, adjusting to the lightheadedness and the brightness of the light around you.  Just as you reach to push the command pad to slide the door open, you realize it’s already sliding open.

Eiffel looks as caught off guard as you do.

“You’re awake” - “What’s the problem?” The two of you say at the same time, awkwardly taking a moment of silence to restart the conversation.

“You uh, feel okay?” he asked.

“Yeah.  Yeah I’m good, just a bit of bed rest.  How about you?”

“Eh I’m always fine.  Think I’ve built up a bit of immunity to explosions by now” he laughed.  He hadn’t moved from the doorway, you hadn’t moved from your side either.  The space between you was minimal and you kept expecting one of you to get distance but it didn’t happen.  Again, it was definitely the concussion.  “Okay, um, yeah glad you aren’t hurt.  Or hurt worse I guess” he turned and left immediately, making you wonder if it was just you or if something really was off about that little bit of interaction.  Regardless, you had more important things to do.

 

-

 

Sleep cycles are an easy thing to forget about in space.  The star is red, the walls are gray, the void is black.  The consistence doesn’t exactly do wonders for the circadian rhythm.  So even though you laid in your bunk, lights off, clearly exhausted, sleep refused to come.  Not unusal, it was never easy to catch a wink in this god forsaken tin can.  After several hours of brain rest and no emergency raising you from your rest, you figured yourself healed enough to try and find something that would keep you occupied.  Suiting up, you headed out over to the damaged section, hoping to find some sort of solace in cleaning.

“I can’t just  _ do _ that Hera!” Eiffel pleaded in his exasperated tone.  You slowed your walking down enough so you could catch a bit more of whatever nonsense they were going on about this time.  As much as it annoyed you, the relationship between the AI and the officer was something eternally unique and deserved a bit of observation.

“I don’t see why not- oh, you have company.  Hello commander” no use in delaying your entrance anymore.

“Hello Hera.  Is this where you’ve taken to hiding from me Eiffel?”

“Ha, for your information I was actually doing  _ work _ commander” he picks up the broom in his hand triumphantly.

“I’m impressed, truly.  It’s not even scheduled work hours”

“Yeah well you know, gotta keep this tin can floating somehow” he tapped the wall with the broom and a screw popped out on the lower section.  His low muttered curse brought a small laugh to your lips.  A twinge ran through your head but it was worth it.  When you looked back to him you saw him immediately looking away as if he had kept his eyes on you.

“Well I appreciate your efforts.  Need an extra pair of hands?”

“Aren’t you on lock and key head rest?”

“I’ll be… gentle.  Besides it’s either this or wandering the station and picking out twenty other things that will need to be fixed or looked at.  Better to stay focused on something that can be fixed relatively easily”

“By all means then, my broom is your broom” he handed you the tool and stepped out to go retrieve another presumably.  You busy yourself by getting some of the portion Eiffel had cleared of major debris into a tidy little corner that gave you an orderly sense of aesthetic satisfaction.  Your officer returned but was clearly distracted, as every other sweep he seemed to hesitate and try to say something but fail.  Eventually after so many small intakes of breath only resulting in a slight sigh, you finally gave in.

“Something wrong, Eiffel?”

“Who me?  No no, just… wondering how you’re… doing?”

“I’m fine?”

“Oh good.  Good, good.  A Plus, one hundred percent.  Just because, you know, being stuck on a tiny station with two other people and having to be in charge every second of the day must be pretty tiring, I mean hell, I can’t even be in charge of myself.  Though I guess you kinda get off on all that protocol shit so you’re probably hunky dory.  But even the sith lord had a buddy, even if it was kind of a crazy evil buddy.  Not that I’m calling you evil but this station is just about as poorly built as the death star”

“Is there a point to this or do you really not get enough of listening to yourself speak?” he seemed to hesitate and contemplate what he was going to say.  The small action actually scared you a little coming from him.

“Do you ever just miss people?  Not like, friends and family, that’s obvious.  I mean a random guy you see on the subway, or someone who accidentally bumps into you.  Little things you take for granted like a handshake, someone who claps you on the back.  Being stuck out here, even though there are people it still feels like there’s a ten foot pole between all of us.  Hell I think there’s a good portion of days out here where we don’t even see each other, just yell across the intercom” it occurred to you that this was probably the longest he had ever gone in a conversation being completely serious and without making any kind of pop culture reference.  It didn’t feel right almost, coming from him.  “I talked to Hera about it actually, she called it  _ touch starvation _ sounds right up Hilbert’s alley if you ask me.  She actually suggested that I ask- ah nevermind, I got kind of sidetracked.  So you’re never going to  _ believe  _ the amount of stuff I’ve found in those back rooms, I’m thinking of building a shrine to command and seeing if they’ll give us a raise or something” he laughed at his own hurriedly added joke.

“I didn’t know you were being bothered by it that much” you mutter honestly, feeling as though you should repay the gesture of sincere conversation.  “I can… understand the feeling.  Being stuck out here does a lot of things to your mind, it’s not uncommon for crews to start presenting with symptoms.  That’s why command encourages all the bonding exercises they do, trying to strengthen crew unity and prevent the decay of mental health”

“I don’t suppose there’s some scheduled game of Twister on the docket though.  As much as I enjoy Hilbert getting all nice and cozy in my personal space, I feel as though he’d take the opportunity to jab me with some weird new chemical to decrease my oxygen demand or something.  Or maybe he’d make me glow in the dark, gotta admit that would actually be a little cool”

“No, Hilbert probably self medicates against emotions so he can stay cooped up in his lab longer”

“Why commander was that a  _ joke? _  It’s been a full good month before one of those came from you” you shake your head, a smile on your lips that doesn’t fade.

“If I didn’t have to yell at you every five seconds I think you’ll find I’m perfectly capable of being humorous”

“Yeahhhh, but there’s not as much fun in that for me”

“You’re an ass”

“And a sweet one too.  But that being said, I think I’ve had enough midnight overtime, I’ll see you at O’ eight hundred” he leaned the broom against the wall and rolled out his shoulders before letting out a huge yawn.  

“Wait” you found your voice saying before your mind fully agreed to it.  “Do you… want a hug?” you would much rather shoot yourself in the foot than hear those words leave your mouth again.  It was awkward and uncomfortable as it hung in the air next to Eiffels blank expression. “Neverm-”

“Yeah” he sounded just as awkward as you.  Now the two of you were stuck in the uncomfortable stagnate air as he picked his way back to you, standing just in front of you and avoiding eye contact as much as you were.  With hesitant and jerky movements, you raised yourself up a bit on the tips of your toes to compensate for how much taller you forgot he was than you.  The image of someone trying to very carefully hug a cactus without being stabbed in the eye was a perfect simile for how Eiffel was, gently putting his arms around you while trying to be as professional as possible.  It was too awkward, this whole thing was a bad idea.

So then why was it that you called to mind the feeling of him against you after the explosion, and in doing so wrapped your arms around his neck.  That seemed to send off some kind of green light to him and he enclosed you in his arms fully, bringing you against him.  You definitely didn’t think this was the appropriate action that you could have taken.  But there were just so many different factors giving you an excuse to break any kind of protocol you could scrounge up that you really couldn’t care.  Even if it was weird to think of it as being friendly with Eiffel of all people, you couldn’t dismiss the fact that he was still a living, breathing, human being who was never meant to go so long without contact like this.  Just like you.

“Well, um, I guess I’ll see you in a couple hours” he muttered as he pulled away slowly, taking the process as gently as before.

“Right.  Sleep well” you nod, taking your hands off him and trying to do something to keep your hands busy enough to not go back to him.  He leaves.  You leave.  Somehow you feel like started something you had no control over.

You aren’t sure what to make of that.


	2. Quality Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no regrets, just let me live my life okay.

“Dammit all!” you scream, hitting the floor with your fist before rolling back up onto your feet, clicking the safety off on the gun in your hands.

    “You okay commander?” Eiffel barks, catching up to be beside you.

    “Dammit I said stay on my six!  We are hunting an extremely dangerous enemy in nearly complete darkness!  Do you _want_ to get shot?!”

    “You know, I think I’ll stay behind you”

    “Smart.  Now let’s try and find this stupid plant mon-” a slithering to your left made you do a sharp turn, raising up the gun and shining the flashlight attachment off into the corridor.  Focus, focus, focus, foc- there!  You shot off a single bullet and heard an increased amount of slithering as the creature writhed in pain.  “Let’s see you try and knock me down now you disgusting piece of floral garbage”

    “Uh, I think you just made it madder”

    “It won’t be stupid enough to stick around, now come on we need to go after it before it takes out even more of our ships lighting system”

    “Pretty sure it’s coming to us” he points down the corridor in front of you and only now do you hear the sounds.  Turning the light slowly towards it.  The gaping maw of hell opened up and screeched as it came crashing down towards you.  You raise your gun, ready to take aim.

    “Dammit, run!” he grabbed you by the arm and you lose your line of sight so you have nothing left but to run along beside him as fast as possible to avoid the vines sweeping out towards you, attempting to trip you again.

    “I.  Hate.  Plants!” you gasp as you turn yet another corner, Eiffel apparently having some idea of a map to stop from just blindly running the two of you into a dead end.  Unfortunately that was a gross overestimate of his skills because the next turn you took became just that.

    “Huh, thought this was going to be a staircase”

    “Since _when_ do we have stairs?” he looked around quickly as you begin to draw your gun out again.  There’s a large metal clang and before you know it, you’re being shoved into a door you didn’t think was there.  He moves in beside you, filling up the space and pulling the door shut behind him.  Just as he gets a metal bar to slide across the door frame, an enormous thud hit the door, scaring you and Eiffel enough to jump back as far as possible.  Which to be truthful, wasn’t much at all.  Another thud and you found yourself grabbing his arm to either protect him or feel protected.

    “Think the door will hold?” you whisper.

    “It’s an auxiliary access panel, they’re _supposed_ to be well protected deep in the ship in case of emergencies” another louder thud than before had you both jumping.  “But I think that thing has already shown us it’s a very creative soul”

    “Is there any ventilation panel we could crawl through to get out of here?”

    “None, it’s not supposed to be a room, just an accessible panel”

    “So that’s why we’ve got about two and a half feet of space?”

    “Please don’t remind me how small it is” he groaned, squinting his eyes shut as if trying to block it out.  “Being trapped in a limited space while hurtling through space is bad enough, I don’t really want to be reminded of the even _less_ space we’ve suddenly become friendly with”

    “Really?  You’re still claustrophobic?”

    “You know it’s not the kind of thing that magically goes away!” the next thud had them wince but not jump like before.  The door was holding steady enough.

    “Well this is great.  We’re stuck like hostages to a giant plant monster bent on revenge, and you’re having an emotional break down”

    “Oh no, this isn’t the break down, you’ll know when the break down gets here” you rolled your eyes but it was too dark for him to see.

    “Hang on, I can at least get us some light” you lift up the gun and turn the flashlight on.  Immediately the thudding turns into a heavy onslaught as the creature hurls itself against it, the sound slowly localizing towards the bottom of the door.

    “Commander that doesn’t sound like a happy plant!”

    “It can’t get in here though right?” you eat your own words as you see a bottom corner of the door begin caving inwards and the beginning of a vine start crawling through.  “I think I can still shoot it”

    “Yeah and kill us both in the ricochet?  I don’t think so”

    “I’m well aware of that, but if I shoot it out into the hall from the opening in the door-” you cut yourself off with a sharp gasp as you feel a vine begin snaking around your ankle and working it’s way up your leg.  At once your first instinct is to point down and shoot it off but Eiffel is there behind you, slapping one hand over your mouth and the other over the arm with the gun, holding it pointing up above your head.

    You’re trying to focus on anything but the vegetation working it’s way slowly up your body, curling around your thigh and then around you and Eiffel together.  Unfortunately the only other stimulus to focus on is Eiffel’s body completely pressed against yours.  Your adrenaline thoughts betray you in the instant and you can’t help but think of how perfectly you fit against him.

    Ugh, no, focusing on the plant monster would be less stressful than that.  Especially as it began curling up around towards your head and you can’t bring yourself to _not_ start leaning your head back against the officer so the vine could crawl over without putting too much pressure on your throat and creating a real problem for you.  All the way to your arm it crawled, finally reaching the gun and waving a tendril in front of the light.  As soon as it touched the light, a switch was flipped in it’s head.  It wrapped itself around the piece and then retracted itself at a far quicker pace than it had approached.

    You had the infuriating pleasure of watching your gun get stolen by a science fair project and have it leave you in an incriminating spot with your subordinate.  Things could not be better for you.  Once it was out of the hole it made, the two of you were able to separate a little bit and watch the flash of light go on and off in the hallway as the plant had it’s fun toying around with your deadly firearm.

    “Well, that sucks” Eiffel sighed.  You try not to groan because you know you couldn’t keep your voice low enough and still express all the frustration you were feeling at the same time.  “On the bright side at least it didn’t kill us for the hell of it”

    “I’m going to torture the damn thing once we get it in a cage”

    “Aaaand now I’m scared again” you lean your head against the wall and breathe, trying to sort out the mess going on in your head.  “But since we’re stuck in here for however long the plant decides, we may as well get to catching up”

    “There’s nothing I have the energy for talking about right now”

    “Not even why you’ve been avoiding me for the past six days?” you look away though again in the darkness it does no good.

    “I haven’t been _avoiding_ you” you attempt.

    “Then what do you call not seeing my smiling face for almost a full week?  I know you’re a busy person but the station isn’t big enough to where you could just dodge me effectively.  Also Hera told me she’s been helping you ‘keep tabs’ on me” dammit Hera, should have known where her loyalties lie.  You silence prompts him on further.  “Look, if you ended up being uncomfortable with earlier, I get it, and I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with the Minkowski version that hides away from something bothering her.  You yell at me over crap I don’t even do, if you’re mad you can actually yell about something that’s somewhat important and or something I can fix by being told about”

    “No it’s not you, it’s… me” you admit, more a resolved sigh than anything.  “I might have been feeling along the same lines as you in terms of mental health and i just didn’t like the resulting… emotions that accompany it.  For me to be my most productive I may have taken some measures to keep our distance for a little while”

    “Look, I’m going to real talk for a minute here so we can get this straightened up.  If you feel like I’ve crossed a line or I’m putting you in a spot you don’t want to be in, seriously just say so.  Honest to god though, I am going a little fucking crazy in this place and the paranoia is starting to feel a lot less like chess and more like Jenga.  So yeah, human contact with something other than Hilbert kinda does help take the edge off and remind me that the people I live with aren’t secretly robots.  But it is _way_ more uncomfortable to be in this awkward state of avoidance than slowly falling into insanity from space induced delusions”

    “Okay first, there’s no way in hell you’d get me into something I didn’t want to be in, you’re not that clever hate to break it to you.  But, I’m sorry, it’s not fair to make you think you’ve done something wrong when it’s all me.  I just feel… strange”

    “Well duh, it’s not like it’s something normal people have to go through.  You can hardly get _away_ from people on earth”

    “Yeah, it’s a very different environment to say the least”

    “On top of that, we are extremely different people.  I mean hell, I don’t think there’s anyone I could be farther from, like, I’d probably have more in common with any alien that showed up at our door than I would with you.  Even a whole-”

    “I get the picture.  It will be very strange, to say the least.  But, I think that if perhaps, it wouldn’t hurt to be a little more engaging during the day.  If our schedules don’t get interfered with that is”

    “Right, work first”

    “And… whatever this is later”

    “Like, a handshake?”

    “I think we could add a high five to the list of appropriate exercises”

“Yeah” you both nod, you’re sure of it even in the darkness.  A strange silence overtakes the both of you, unsure how to proceed now that you both are on the same page more or less.  Cooperation can be just as strange as opposition.   

“So… how was getting felt up by a plant?” he finally burst out with a laugh on his lips.  You smack him over the shoulder,

“That was _not_ what happened” you reprimand, a twinge of color in your cheeks.

“Oh no, I saw that thing, that was seven kinds of inappropriate, he was one base short of a home run”

“Is that what you fantasize about?  Plant tentacles?  Do you think we should talk about this new development in your pscyhe?”

“No no, I’d never get between true love, there was a real spark between the two of you.  I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time alone in your bunk to recount the romantic adventure in the soft red starlight”

“As much as I love having you theorize what I do to myself at night, I’m going to have to end your line of perverted thoughts with the simple answer of; I don’t”

“You just… don’t?”

“No, of course not.  This is a workplace”

“Okay but we’ve been here for over a _year_ ”

“Yes”

“Is this why you’re such a bitch all the time?”

“Eiffel!”

“That’s an honest question!  Commander you’re allowed to just have some _personal time_ , the ship won’t fall apart and hurdle into the star if you ease up for just ten goddamn minutes”

“I work out, I read manuals, I patrol the ship, and I reflect on my work for the day.  That about sums up all the _personal time_ I need”

“Oh my god, it’s called stress management!  You can’t just throw yourself farther into work when work stresses you out!”

    “So then what, I’m supposed to just ask Hera to nicely stop paying attention to a room so I can work myself into a deeper frustration over missing my husband?” you could hear Eiffel shuffle his feet a little bit, trying to come up with words to say.

    “Sorry.  I’ve never really had a girlfriend longer than half a year or so.  I don’t really have many people to miss back on earth.  I know that must be different for you”

    “It’s okay, I made a choice.  Besides, this is inappropriate, we shouldn’t be talking about this.  Let’s just find a way to get out of here with the plant monster still lurking outside” you both lean down as far as possible to try and look through the little gap in the metal frame, realizing it had been quite awhile since you last saw the flickering.

    “Okay, how about we charge in and split up, that way it can’t-” suddenly the lights snapped on inside the panel room and both of you yelled out with surprise and discomfort of the blinding sterile lights.

    “Main power has been restored, auxiliary power returning to standby.  All system are go” Hera’s voice rang out.

    “Thank you, Hera” Eiffel yelled back as he always did, his soft spot for the AI evident, “Hey mind checking if there are any hostiles outside the door”

    “You are very welcome officer Eiffel!  And all my scans are reading that you are safe and sound”

    “Perfect.  Well commander, looks like we don’t need to ScoobyDoo this anyhow” he smiled, still squinting painfully but much less uncomfortable.

    “Right.  I guess you know what that means now”

    “Uhh, extra long break for traumatic injury?”

    “Back to hunting”

    “Damn”

 

-

 

You pulled hard against the restraints around your wrists but only found the pressure of pulling to be increased.  There’s a gasp that leaves your throat as your legs and pulled apart, another vine running up your leg slowly, taking it’s time to work over your thigh.  There’s another vine beginning to curl against your breast.  You lean your head farther back, feeling hands running down your sides and nails dragging against your thighs, igniting a slow burn beneath your skin.

    Your eyes flash open and once again you’re in your bunk, the lights off and only the red from the star pouring in through the minuscule window.  God dammit, Eiffel just _had_ to put that stupid idea in your head.  It took a lot to maintain this level of composure, and it was not done by giving in to every little whim you had.  Sure it had been a long time without… well, it had been a long time without your husband.

    “Hera” you mutter out towards the ceiling.

    “Yes commander, something wrong?”

    “No, I’m fine.  Do you think you could give me a bit of time alone, no surveillance”

    “Uh, sure?  I’ll tune back in an hour from now, sound alright?”

    “Perfect” you hear the small click as she shuts off the communication channel.  You always had doubts on whether or not that was an honest closing of the channel or if it was protocol embedded in her system to still observe but to shut off any ability to share the information.  Maybe there was some of Eiffel’s paranoia in you too.

    Laying back, you stared at the wall above you, deciding what you were going to do.  It felt strange, having to zip down your suit, pretending that you _weren’t_ about to do something you found personal source of horrific embarrassment.  Deep breath, pretend it’s not as strange as it feels to you.  Letting your mind wander is the hardest part.  Still half laden with sleep, you find that you keep slipping into pointless lines of thought, maintenance lists, performance reviews, upcoming scheduled programs.  There was very little on this ship to distract you from your work, the only thing that consistently kept you from getting anything done was-

    Your hand freezes at the base of your stomach, horrified as you feel heat rush to your skin at the Eiffel, and more specifically the memory of close quarters and awkward contact between the two of you.  You laugh a little out loud, trying to deny the stupidity of the autonomic response you had.  But it fades into a much darker part of your mind, releasing the control of your internal filters and deciding there was no harm is exploring a train of thought that would ultimately _never_ have a lasting effect on your psyche or outlook.  It would just be a thought.  A thought to help you relax and get your head on straight.

    You close your eyes again and finally slide your hand down between your legs.  Your lips twitch just a little from the sudden touch that hadn’t been there in so _so_ long.  All of the good stuff, none of the bad stuff, the simplicity of masturbation at its finest.  What you want, when you want it, exactly how you like it.  If it was so great then why did your mind keep reaching out to imagine another person there?

    Even though you agreed with yourself that you would entertain whatever thoughts you wanted, you still found it a bit difficult to surrender to every intrusive thought that came your way.   _Surrender_ that word brought back images from your dream.  Less of the weird specifics and more of the general notion of being laid down, your legs spread apart by some unseen force, your hands bound above your head, presenting your body for an audience in control.

    Your breath hitches and you find yourself moving against your hand in minute ways, an ache building from the slow circles you’ve been building confidence with.  When you dip a finger inside you only briefly, you imagine it as someone else’s hand.  Someone evaluating your worth as you’re helplessly open for him.  You can feel his words, dark and low in your mind,

    “Are you wet for me?” the answer is a hiss on your lips that you didn’t mean to be out loud.  Eyes fluttering, you don’t increase your pace but you press harder and bask in the intensity beginning to build within you.  In your mind you can see his hands running up your thighs, purposefully missing your sex and reaching up your skin to thumb over your exposed chest.  The cold has gotten your nipples hard and the warmth from your spare hand is delicious and wanted.

    “I want to see you squirm” the man in your head whispers and you try and suppress a moan as you drag a finger painfully slow over your breast, refusing to give the full attention you want.

    “I want to hear you scream” your fingers slide inside you and you feel your toes curl up from the sudden feeling.  The slow burn you’ve built up under your skin is threatening to suffocate you now.  You want everything.  You want him in that room with you again, pushing you against the wall and taking you.  His skin against yours, the friction between you two, the breathy moans as you succumb and let yourself get drunk on the endorphins.

    “I want you to cum, commander” you can practically feel his breath on your neck as your back is arching up and your sound is caught in your throat as you seem to gasp and scream at the same time.  The feeling doesn’t end quickly, it takes over your body in pulses of pleasure that feels blinding behind your eyes.

    Slowly you begin to settle.  You swallow hard, your mouth feeling a bit dry and head a little light.  You zip up your suit slowly, arms and legs feeling like they had to move through water to move.  Finally, when you’re on back and you’re staring up at the ceiling, you allow yourself a small whisper of,

    “Oh god” because bright as day you could still see it in your mind, Eiffel fucking you and you loving every second of it.  This was not okay, this was the farthest fucking thing from okay.  You’re married, you’re his commanding officer, he’s _Eiffel_ of all fucking people.  In no manual ever created does it state that this is anywhere in the remote proximity of being okay.

    Yet you still feel a little flutter in your chest when you remember the things you thought of him saying in his stupid and annoying but infuriatingly attractive voice.  There is a pillow on your bed and you shove it over your face.  This is indeed now officially, a _problem_.


	3. Desperate Measures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we get to the part where I spent way too much time thinking about how spaceships work.

“Minkowski, I can’t take any more of this” Eiffel panted, sweat dripping from his forehead.

“Keep it together, we have a mission and it  _ needs _ to be completed”

“But-”

“No!  Not again!  If I hear another sentence including the words; why, how, or when can we leave, I will personally blow a hole in your space suit and let you burn out here!”

“But-” he stopped for a moment with an intensely thoughtful look on his face, “Okay I’ve got nothing, just know I am very upset right now!”

“Noted, now feed the cable over to me.  We’re doing this again” Eiffel took the well worn thick gray cable and hooked it into the pegs along the side of the reactor plating the two of you were working on.  The heat from the reactor had over time melted the protective coating off the main power line used to input command feeds, so when you were woken up at 0400 to Hera yelling that the ship was off course, it was a frenzy of yelling and screaming to figure out how to avoid falling into the star’s inner orbit and burning up in a matter of hours.  Eiffel had referred to it as “The world’s most dangerous swirly” but you didn’t appreciate that very much at the time.

Now the task was simple, replace the power line coating and hook the cable back into the port.  You had two very difficult problems to work around with this plan.  The cable had an extremely fragile head and couldn’t get bumped and thrown around all over the place so someone had to be on the opposite side of the long white panel of metal covering the reactor, to catch the cable and get it into position to hook in.

That led to problem number two.  When the power is on, the reactor has a cooling system that keeps the reactor from getting too hot to where it will explode, except that those levels of heat are still far too intense for humans to experience unguarded.  Even with the reactor turned off, it was still a sweltering amount of heat that was not so slowly taking a toll on you and the communications officer.  The solution to the heat problem would be to turn the entire ship’s power off to render the reactor inactive, only using battery saved auxiliary power to run life support until they could turn it on.  However, turning off power also turned off the coolant system because it was directly tied to the reactors heat to issue it to move.  Leaving a reactor without a coolant processor meant the radiation would begin to boil everything around it.

So the solution to both problems which did not include anyone getting killed was simple and nearly impossible all the same.  If they could feed the cable across the reactor plating using a series of aligned pegs, then you could line up the input cable enough so that you could jump over to the side with the door and then just give the cable a small push.  The lack of gravity in the room should provide a perfect environment for getting it in exactly correct.  However, minimizing the movement enough to get it to line it up was difficult enough, then with the angle of the push it would alter its course, and without gravity to encourage it to slide down into the grooves, you ran the risk of fracturing the prongs needed to connect.

_ All _ of that, was something you had explained to Eiffel at least five times now, and he still refused to pay attention long enough just so he could continually ask you time and time again, what the hell you two were doing, burning up in spacesuits for inside the ship.  You regarded yourself as a very reasonable person, but this was  _ madness _ .  It wasn’t bad enough that you were slowly cooking to a lovely medium rare while attempting the most precision based work of your life, but Eiffel just had to be a dick on top of it all.

“Five minutes until we breach orbit” Hera announced.  Oh yeah, and there was the time limit.

“Commander, I  _ really _ think we find option number two.  Maybe we can use the other reactor?  At least get out of orbit and try again later!”

“We’d fry it before we even got halfway out.  We need both coolant systems operational because the reactors are so close together.  We don’t have the power from one reactor to run two coolant systems.  Now let me focus” you snap without much emotion, you’re too busy reaching for the cable and pulling it to a halt right beside the outlet.  It was about as thick as your hand with twelve small pins in a perfect geometrical pattern along it’s surface.  If any one of those pins were bent, scraped, or twisted, the whole project would fall apart.

“Pulling tension” he sighed, already resigning to defeat from this attempt too.  You tried not to share his pessimism but it was a contagious emotion.  With the tension snapped, it was all on you to line the pins up perfectly.  You had a laser device in your hand that you used to keep your measurements precise.  Every time you finished adjusting it looked perfect, then every time you checked your work it looked twelve miles off course.

“Okay, I think we’re good” you sigh, licking the sweat from your lips and only drying your mouth out more.

“Here’s to hoping” you push off the wall and sail over to where he stands by the door, putting your arm out so he can stop you and connect you to the handrail so you don’t hit the wall.  With a deep breath and more focus than you’ve seen him use on any assignment you’ve ever given him, he takes the bar connecting all the pegs it was looped through and eases it up, releasing the tension.  Once it was free again, he puts his hand on the cable and slowly moves forward, watching the outlet fifteen feet away as closely as possible.  You’re holding your breath, which isn’t smart to do in what feels like a hundred and twenty degree heat, but you can’t help it as much as you can your rapid pulse.

There’s a clink and the cable begins backwards as it bounces off the incorrect alignment.

“Dammit!”, “Why cruel god?!” you both yell and groan at the same time.

“That’s it, we’re going to die.  All because we can’t win a game of interstellar Operation!”

“It’s not over yet, we’ve still got-”

“Two minutes” Hera chimed in.

“Thank you Hera” you say through gritted teeth.

“Who knows, maybe slowly orbiting at a closer range and burning up from radiation and solar flares won’t be so bad?  It’ll be like a campfire only  _ we’re _ the marshmallow this time” he’s leaned his head back against the door but forgot he was surrounded by a glass bubble so it really did nothing for him.

You were quiet, arms folded, brain gears churning.  There had to be a way, no matter what there was always a way.  Eventually when Eiffel looked over he must have realized there was a plan in your mind because he muttered, 

“Oh god no, I don’t like that look”

“I think I know how to do this”

“And how’s that?  Cut a hole into the hull of the ship so we can just cool down the reactor with a nice spacey breeze?”

“I need you to turn on life the other reactor and get life support running on main power inside so there’s no lapse when we get this one online”

“Please god don’t tell me we’re actually cutting-”

“Of course not!  I’m not an idiot, geez.  But we’ve only get two minutes so get moving and follow instructions for once!”

“Got it!” he opened the door to the main ship and left your sight.

“Hera, make sure this door doesn’t close, alright?” you called as you pushed off the wall and soared over to the opposite end, making a less graceful landing than before.

“Yes commander, though I will inform you that it will cause a drastic increase to the temperature of the room, even with life support on”

“That’s alright, close it once I’m through” you grabbed the cable that was slowly floating and lined it up to the holes as best you could figure, “As soon as this thing is in, I want you to do course correction”

“Commander wait, I know what you’re trying but-!” she was cut off as the automatic emergency lights and siren came on, flashing red and yelling about star collision.  You couldn’t hear Hera but you couldn’t wait either.  With a deep breath, you took the cable guided it inside, getting all pegs in place.  Without waiting around to watch the finished product, you jumped off from the side of the wall as fast you could, racing through zero gravity with an aim towards the door.  If there was enough delay you could almost just make it-

The heat hit like a rock to the face.  All of a sudden you’re falling, gravity shooting you down to the floor.  Hitting the ground with a spacesuit on didn’t fare well for you.  Even on top of the gravity problem was the heat.  It was an indescribable stifling that gave the air a taste of taking a sip from a drink too hot and scorching your tongue.  Your body didn’t so much go numb as it was stop being able to tell what part was which.  You got a foot or two on all fours before your arms gave way and you collapsed down, unable to bear the weight of the suit and the heat at the same time.  How could you have been so stupid as to forget that gravity had to be reinstated to keep the internal pressure of the reactor moving in the right direction?

And then you hear the door closing and all you can think of is how they’ll play rock paper scissors to decide who will have to scrape off the remains of you from the paneling if the heat melts your fat and subcutaneous tissue down onto the hull.  That was of course when your helmet was pried off and cool but not quite cold air hits your skin.  You open your eyes only a crack because they feel sunburnt.  You see Eiffel wearing a mix of worry and rage on his face as he tears off the straps from space suit and pulls it down around you.  From where your hands are exposed on the black undersuit you see your skin is a pink color like someone dipped you in a boiling pot.  Thankfully you weren’t marred or crispy at all so really it could have been worse.  Eiffel definitely doesn’t see it that way because he’s yelling and cursing at you while he strips the suit off over your shoulders and down your legs.  You close your eyes again and bask in the surreal light feeling body has adopted, letting the rest of the world melt away.  

This was of course very abruptly ruined by a large stream of the coldest space water possible being dumped down onto you.

“Fuck!” you scream, accompanied by a few hyperventilated gasps.  You try and open your eyes again but find them full of water, the sound of a shower running overhead keeping up the onslaught of icy spray.  How long had you been out that you had gotten into the shower bay?

“Good to see you’re awake” Eiffel laughs.  You realize now that not only is he standing right in front of you, but he’s also holding you up in the shower, both his arms under yours to keep you upright.  His undersuit rolled down off his chest and arms and tied in a knot at his waist.  You can see a bit of pink on his skin too, though nowhere as bad as yours.

“Get me out of here!  It is  _ freezing _ !” you gasp, trying to struggle out of where you’re half leaned against the tiled wall, half on him.

“Calm dow- Commander don’t try and scratch me!  You’ve got some pretty damn severe heat exhaustion from cooking at forty billion degrees so unless you want to suffer long term skin and probably  _ brain _ damage, you’re going to suck it up and quit complaining!” you close your eyes and lean your head on his shoulder, your body shaking slightly, “Oh my god, are you crying?  Please, Renée, I’m so sorry, are you oka-”

“No, I’m laughing at you” you manage to get out, between heaves and tries for air.  You’re still somewhat hyperventilating after all.  “You sound just like me, dumbass” you lean your head back against the tile and just laugh, whole body stinging as you fail to keep it contained.   You aren’t actually sure what it is specifically but you can’t stop from laughing into the spray of frost that’s turning your body from a sting to a numb tingle.

“You’re beautiful” he mutters, and at first you think you started hallucinating but with the way his head is tilted down towards you and his eyes are dark and gentle, you know you aren’t blacking out again.  “With your hair down I mean, it’s uh, it’s better that way” you had barely registered your hair rolling down over your shoulders and plastered on your face, waterlogged and probably heat damaged beyond repair.  You met his eyes and you really took him all in.  He was infuriating and annoying and seven kinds of disrespectful.  And he saved your life.  He relied on you, thought the world of you, protected you from both his mistakes and yours, and wanted you.  He wants you.

It’s the lack of oxygen.  It’s definitely the adrenaline, the possible head wound, the definite bodily trauma, and the crushing sense of helplessness as yet another thing breaks on this god forsaken ship.  There are countless possibilities for why you wrapped your arms around his neck and put your lips to his.  The water running down your bodies doesn’t feel cold anymore as he pulls you close against him.  You’re back against the tile and he’s standing between your legs, one arm laced around your back, the other gripping your thigh.  You splay your fingers out along his back to just feel as much of him as possible.  He’s kissing you and you deepen it.  Your heart pounds so heavy you almost think he can hear it.  There’s a small moan in your throat and he moves his hand further up your thigh because of it.

Every inch of you is screaming for more of him.  More against you, more in you, just… more.  With one of your hands you run it down the side of his chest, the tips of your fingers just dipping below where the undersuit was rolled down to.  

He takes his mouth off from yours and you try and follow him to capture it again but then he takes his hands off you too and steps back abruptly.  You blink water out of your eyes and see him quickly swipe a hand over his face and eyes, rubbing his lips off with the back of his fist.  Something coils inside you dangerously.  You do not feel good.

“Eiffel” you start cautiously.  He looks away from you and you can’t read the expression on his face.  “Wh-”

“FUCK!” he screams at the top of his lungs and you’re so surprised you jump backwards and nearly fall in the still running shower.  There’s raw anger in his voice and rage radiating off his body as he stomps off out of your sight, footsteps heavy and deliberate.

You don’t take a breath until you hear the door open and close.  You take another one, then another, and another, and you don’t stop until you’re gasping in shock and disbelief with tears threatening to break from your eyes.  Everything in your body‘s shaking and there’s a heavy black stone sitting in your chest with the realization that you just crossed a line in a game you weren’t supposed to play in the first place.  You’re breaking down alone and in the cold because you have no idea what the hell you just did to your subordinate.


	4. The Eiffel Interpretation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV pivot, time to see what's going on with the communications officer as things fall apart.

“Officer Eiffel, is it okay to talk to you now?” Hera asks as you pace back and forth in your room, the pillow laying in the corner with your heavily punched sheets and your personal effects in not much better shape in their scattered layout.

“Hera, you know I love you baby, but right now I am  _ all _ kinds of not okay to talk to” you laugh darkly, shaking your head and hoping she can see how frustrated your body language is even with the dark.  Oh yeah, she turned off the lights to help calm you down.  Now all that was guiding you from running into your shit was the galaxy’s most intimidating fucking night light shining in from the window.

“I think that you should really talk to someone before you have to see her again”

“I would really rather do neither actually”

“Is there something I’m not understanding?  Well, besides whenever this sort of thing started happening between you two”

“Nothing is  _ happening _ , we had a near death experience and an awkward setting coupled with touch deprivation which resulted in an  _ incident _ that was quickly fixed in a professional manner”

“You ran away screaming”

“No, I screamed and then ran away.  Those are two very different plays of events” you stopped pacing as Hera remained silent.  Finally sighing, you sat down on your bed, deciding that you didn’t want to not talk about it after all.  Shit.  “Look, we just had a miscommunication is all”

“I mean, it did take you awhile to stop”

“Hera!”

“I’m being honest!  And don’t even think I’m creepy for seeing what happened, you had talked to me two seconds before getting in the shower about what you should do.  I suggested the cold water would be good to wake her up while Hilbert could get ready to get to you guys.  I never said start making out with her”

“Yes believe me, I am perfectly aware of how events transpired” you put your head in your hands, propping your elbows on your knees.  Your hair feels dry and unkind to the touch, probably from the heat exposure you went through to pull her out of the panel chamber.  God, the fact that she did that without telling you just kept getting under your skin.  You could have found her a security rope or come up with a long metal robot arm to plug it in for her.  But of course when the entire ship is running a risk of plummeting into the star, twenty twenty vision isn’t good for much.

The sad part was that you weren’t sure if she was getting hurt more often or if you were just getting bothered by it more.  Seeing her unconscious and hot to the touch was one of the worst moments of your life, then her laughing in the shower, just such an honest and truly human thing to do.  It was too much.  You were absolutely sure that if she didn’t kiss you first you would have done it yourself.  Something you promised yourself you wouldn’t do.  Over and over, repeatedly, every morning.  Because fuck if this was a new emotion you suddenly picked up, you’ve been learning how to deal with this for what felt like years.  It definitely wasn’t years, it was absolutely more along the lines of a week or two.

It all seemed to start when you were doing work of all things.  Listening to the old radio transmissions, a particular one which really called to you.  Half asleep, day dreaming to pass the time, you could see a beautiful woman coming in through the door and falling in love with the song.  You’d say some low sultry thing and she’d smile so you’d offer to dance with her.  Just you and her, a slow sway through the red light starlight and slow electrical glow of your work panel.  Without you noticing, the woman had taken to looking like your commander and this didn’t seem to put up enough of a red flag to make you stop.

You could see her small hand in yours, a sort of reserved smile on her lips as she tried to pretend she wasn’t happy.  That ever present sadness of missing home and being scared every minute that she was out here, all lodged away in the iris of her eyes.  You could practically feel her lay her head on your shoulder as you two were just calm.  No disaster, no weird thing going wrong, nothing to leave you lying awake at night in fear, just the mission of trying to find something out here besides each other.

When you had come to more or less from your day dream, you felt hollow and more alone than before.  You wanted more of her, the real her, the one that wasn’t closing off all her emotions to seem professional.  You wanted the Minkowski who would lay her head on you and feel safe, the one who laughs in ice water after almost dying  _ again _ , the one who is always there to take the hardest and most dangerous job because it’s the only way she can really show she does love.  A dream, a fleeting moment, and an interpretation.  That’s all you had to work off of and apparently it was just enough to risk everything for a taste of then lose it all entirely.  You crossed a line in a game you never thought it would hurt to play.

“Eiffel?  Are you sure you’re okay” Hera asked much more meekly this time.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking”

“Do you know that you’ve been completely still  _ thinking _ for five minutes now?”

“Oh” you can’t bring yourself to stand up so you kick your feet up and lay down on your bed, staring at the dull gray ceiling.  “Hera, can you tell me where she is right now?”

“She’s still in the shower bay”

“What?  Please tell me she’s turned the water off, she’s going to get sick if it’s still running”

“Don’t worry, I believe she’s turned it off.  She’s just… sitting there”

“Ah.  I see”

“Sort of like you are now…”

“Please don’t”

“Eiffel I am your  _ best _ and probably only friend on this ship, and probably even back home.  Me, who is technically a computer and can shut off all social norms on a whim.  Either tell me what’s going on or I will be a lot more annoying to work with and then it’ll just be like talking to yourself alone in your room.  Which both know you do way too much of”

“Hera, why the hell are you doing this to me?”

“I threaten because I care.  Now spill it” you lace your arms behind your head and roll down onto the bed, a sigh of defeat on your lips.  What was there to say?  You fucked up and ruined yet another thing on this mission.

“Do you think… it was a mistake bringing me on this ship?” you whisper, an honest contemplation in your heart.  You had thought this before.  It wasn’t like you hadn’t approached the topic before.  Every time something seemed to go wrong or literally explode, you felt like the last one to get something worthwhile done.  Hilbert could practically run the ship single handedly, Minkowski had the encyclopedia of useless space protocol tucked away in her head along with the ability to do literally  _ anything _ .  What could you do really besides get in the way, forget to do chores, and listen to space static and pretend you had someone to share it with?

“Eiffel, you belong on the ship.  We need you” you roll over onto your side, facing the wall.  There wasn’t anything you could do today.  At times like these it was best just to lay down and think of anything other than being trapped on a failing hunk of metal full of people you couldn’t help.

You thought of driving.  Nowhere in particular, just driving in any direction you saw fit because your world wasn’t less than a mile long in either direction.  No matter how bad things got, you could just drive and drive until it wasn’t your problem anymore.

“Eiffel?” you felt bad for not responding to her, but it was just too much.  You had already buckled in and turned on the headlights, you were ready for an escape.

-

 

“Sooo, favorite…  _ opera _ ” you question, reclining back on the patient bed in the laboratory.  There’s a small ball that was probably some important piece supposed to go to something keeping you alive on the ship, but for now it was a toy for you to toss up and then watch slowly float back down in the decreased gravity.

Hilbert slams his pencil down onto the desk, trying to make enough noise to get the picture of how unhappy he was.

“Officer Eiffel, your check up was done over thirty minutes ago.  If you continue to distract me from my work I will give you a real reason to be in here” the doctor growled, readjusting the glasses on his nose and then turning his attention back to the desk.  You stay quiet for a moment, thinking your course of action over in your head.

Would you ever get desperate enough to want to fuck Hilbert?  You had your moments in college after all and you didn’t think of yourself as being entirely consistent in what you liked.  Maybe with enough booze and self loathing you could come around to creep up his side of the woods.  Get some crazy late night anatomy lesson going.  It would probably start by stopping your attempts to annoy the crap out of the man.  But then again,

“Favorite sex position?”

“Eiffel!”

“Oh really Doc?  I’m flattered!” yeah no, this was much more fun.  Instead of bursting at the seams, Dr. Hilbert put down his pencil and spun his chair around to face you,  a “no bullshit” expression on his face.  You got a small prickle of nervousness in your chest because  _ god _ this man could make Poltergeist look like a romcom in comparison.

“So, you don’t want to do work?  Fine, let’s  _ talk _ about it” there was something deeply threatening in his voice that you were trying very hard not to fixate on.  “Why is it that you are not in your little room turning dials and messing with machinery far beyond your comprehension?”

“And miss out on visiting my favorite doctor?”

“False, you are as discomforted by me as I am by you.  You do not want to do your work for a reason.  You also have not talked to Commander in… three days?  I would find it safe to assume some tragedy has occurred that you are attempting to cover up”

“I’m not covering anything up!  I just haven’t run into Minkowski in awhile is all.  Big ship, you know how it is”

“I know  _ how it is _ when she shows up to meal early and you late, or how you both use Hera to keep tabs on where the other is, and how you have avoiding doing much more with the equipment other than log journal entries and she has avoided every attempt to issue a direct order of anyone. Now since you both are acting strange and you claim that no disaster has occurred that you’re hiding, only logical conclusion would be that something happened between you two that you do not wish to tell me but also cannot handle talking to each other about”

“Uhhh…  I forgot her birthday?”

“Funny, she had a much better excuse than that.  So now Eiffel, tell me, what is it that has gone so wrong between you?  Where is all the open hatred and yelling that I have come to know and love?”

“We, well, it’s complicated”

“Oh yes I am sure it is since you are both such  _ complicated _ people.  But you’re in my office and so obviously it must be to talk to me about something bothering you.  Should I call Commander in as well?”

“No!  I mean, don’t do that, she’s probably super busy and all”

“Hmm, no I think this would be her break time around now.  Come, come, it will be good for the crew to have a real heart to heart.  Hera!”

“Stop!  Doctor I’m serious, don’t do it!”

“Yes Dr. Hilbert” Hera answered in her chipper voice.

“Hera stop!  You wouldn’t do this to me!”

“Sorry officer Eiffel, but there is only so much moping around I can watch the two of you do”

“Traitors!  All of you!  Why can’t you let a man have his time to grieve?!”

“Oh come now, no one died” Hilbert scoffed, “Just go talk to her and get it sorted out so you can stop distracting me from my work” you roll off the table and take the little ball thing with you, knowing that Hera had probably already prompted Minkowski to come over under some false pretense.

You’ve got the door panel sliding open when Hilbert calls out,

“Putting off work to make her talk to you is a cowards way out.  Be a man, do not keep her suffering like this” you didn’t have anything else you wanted to add to the torture therapy session so you let the door close behind you.  Once you were out of sight, the pretense dropped.  Shoulders sagged, expression empty, feet shuffling along the ground as you tried to decide on the next place to go.

Of course Hilbert had to give you a final blow upon leaving.  You took back every hypothetical drunken thought you ever had about enjoying that guy, he was a dick.  You weren’t making her  _ suffer _ , you were just giving the two of you space, and if maybe when she decided to notice that you had all but stopped doing your duties and she was compelled to address you head on, then you would know things were back to normal.  Because Hilbert had been right, Minkowski hadn’t issued any commands or really done anything to act like she was in charge these last couple of days.  The longest she was ever like this was in the rare breaks you got and weren’t completely at each other’s throats during.  Well, that and when you had decided to try and fuck her in the showers.

The intrusive line of thought made your skin crawl enough that you kicked a section of wall plating, immediately regretting it as your toes sent back a big greeting card of “FUCK YOU” in the form of pain receptors.  Thankfully the pain was enough to get your head on straight and stop thinking about things that you knew wouldn’t lead to anything good.  You still didn’t know exactly how to apologize to her, it’s not like you could walk up and say,

“Hey commander!  So you know how I breached every inch of trust by using your protective spidey senses against you and making you go along with my physical insecurities? Recently in the form of taking advantage of you after a near death experience when you probably weren’t fully comprehensive, remember that?  Yeah I’m  _ really _ sorry, think we could go back to me just wanting to fuck you and you being completely unaware?  Oh really?  Awesome!  I’m so glad you understand!” hell had a better chance of freezing over.

You were so preoccupied with the raincloud above your head that when you turned the corner you came inches from running into the commander in question.

“Oh” she mouthed, also clearly surprise.  She looked up at you with wide uncertain eyes.  You looked down and then to the side, then at a wall, and finally your hands.

“Commander” you mutter, stepping to the side and giving her space to walk by.  She took a tentative step forward but then stopped, turning to you with the breath for words in her throat.  But your eyes met again and the confidence drained from her face.  You only barely caught the reserved little, 

“Nevermind” that slipped from her perfect sharp lips.  She leaves and the room feels colder for it.

“Missed your chance” Hera chimed in, not in a happy sadistic way, but in something a touch more somber.

“I know, Hera” you sigh a slight shake in your head as you decide the best thing for you to do would be to just go back to sleep and forget it all, “I know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next segment will be not as easy to churn out so bear with me as I get this ship back on track.


	5. Live Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I spend more thinking about how space works than should be necessary for this fic.

Red lights only go off when something really fucking bad happens.  Red lights usually have you springing into action to figure out some way  _ not _ to die.  This light doesn’t make you jump, it hardly makes you quiver.  Another red light, another alarm, another emergency dramatically saved by someone smarter than you.  Day in and day out, it seems like the only consistent thing in your life.

“Eiffel, get u-u-up!” Hera screams at you, her voice glitching through halfway as she diverted her attention around the ship.  “This is an emergency!  We’ve got a major problem!”

“What exactly is it, Hera?” you moan, rolling up out of bed, “Are you talking breach in the hull or the commander is hunting the plant monster again?”

“There’s a breach in the hull!”

“Oh shit what?!” you jump up and pull the rest of your suit on, zipping it up in a flash and punching the pad for your door to open.

“The ship suffered damage during our dip into inner orbit, I didn’t think it was bad but then a bit of space debris made a sharp intercept for us and now there’s a rock that’s burned it’s way into our lower level and we’re about to lose our navigational projection.  I’ve got the engines correcting our course now but we’ve still taken a pretty big adjustment!”

“And I’m guessing that is seven kids of bad?”

“Try all kinds of bad”

“Noted.  Where’s the rest of the crew?”

“Hilbert is working on the life support parameters to see what the least amount of stress is that we can put the ship into, and Minkowski is in the breach trying to keep things together”

“Okay so I should go-”

“To the breach and help Minkowski”

“Someone needs to be manning the main controls, she doesn’t need-”

“She is  _ literally  _ holding things together.  The main power cord has been fractured, if we lose it then the whole ship shuts down and has to switch to the auxiliary system networks which means we’re going to lose a lot of ship that’s going to be heated or gravitated or air locked effectively” you curse under your breath and you know Hera can hear it though she doesn’t say anything.  You’re already pulling open one of the hatches that leads into the lower skeletal frame of the ship.  With some minor guidance you end up at a bit of a larger opening where Minkowski is on her knees, arms reached above her head, pressing a large thick wire against the wall to keep the connections in tact.  There are a few small sparks that make her flinch and apply more pressure.

“Holy shit, why is it so heavy here?” you question first, closing the door behind you.

“Eiffel, I  _ really _ need you” she begs, her arms shaking slightly.

“How long have you been holding that thing?” you’re already getting on your knees behind her, shuffling up to where you could lean over her tiny frame and put your hands on the wire beside hers.  You weren’t kidding about it being heavy, the gravity was doing something funky that didn’t sit well on your spine.

You’re trying to match her exact posture to be able to transfer off safely.  As you scoot in closer, your chest brushes against her back and there’s this slight flinch in her body from the contact, so small no one but you would have been able to tell.  No one but you because to you it’s a fucking earthquake.  Your arms falter as you immediately pull yourself back, red lights in your head going off with some internal Hera voice announcing,

“This is a code red emergency, an officer Doug Eiffel has officially been deemed a hostile threat, please stay alert and shoot on contact.  I repeat, shoot the relationship ruining, life wasting, no good son of a bitch who molested his superior officer out of loneliness”

“Eiffel, I need you to take this!” Minkowski urged.  You hesitated to move closer to her again, every part of your head screaming not to touch her, not to give her another reason to hate you.  “Do not play this with me right now, dammit!  I am going to let go in three, two-” she shuts up as your hands shoot out over to hers, the rest of your body pressed against her as you lean over, trying to counter the gravity with good leverage to give your arms the best chance of holding out longer.

“I’ve got you” you say, feeling her relax inch by inch and let go, waiting for the fault that slowly but surely, didn’t come.  When her hands were finally off she sighed in relief, letting them drop to her sides, her head leaning against the wall right in front of the two of you, the adrenaline finally running down.  “So now what the hell is going on with this gravity?”

“Okay, listen because I don’t want to explain this five times like every other time you ask me to explain” she’s trying to be a bit joking with you but her tone betrays her true nervousness and discomfort from having to talk to you for the first time in literally days.  “We took on a foreign object, more specifically, the big ass rock sitting in the corner.  Rock breached a part of the hull that was stressed from our recent inner orbit trip.  Immediately the room was breached with space and to fix it I put on a temporary patch” you look behind you to the large square of metal that read ‘Cargo Bay Four’.

“You took the sign from the cargo bay?”

“Desperate measures and limited resources are no strangers to me.  But I couldn’t seal the patch because as you know, room filled with too high a concentration of oxygen results in giant blast, and since we couldn’t verify that the oxygen regulated wasn’t corrupted, we had to make due with a more familiar form of pressure”

“Gravity”

“Exactly.  We increased the gravity in the room to the point where the metal creates a seal, blocking out space until we can get a proper fix on it.  That’s why it feels like you just gained fifty pounds.  So, while Hilbert takes care of things from the controls in the bridge and makes sure we don’t run out of air or heat and die before we can fix this thing, we’ve got to hang tight and wait for the patch”

“Why can’t one of us run out and get stuff to fix the hole?”

“Because the equipment we need is on the other side of the station.  That’s a ten minute travel over, then let’s say we can hopefully get the equipment needed in five minutes, that still leaves another ten minutes to return.  One of us would have to hold the wire for a total of twenty-five minutes  _ hopefully _ before we could switch off.  Factoring in search time, any issues with doors, any kind of life support malfunction, you could easily be looking at forty minutes to even an hour”

“Oh” yeah, there’s definitely no way an hour would be possible.  Even with the amount of time right now you can already feel the strain settling in.  “Well what if one of us sat on the patch and then we turned the gravity lower”

“Neither of us can spread our weight evenly enough to completely seal the patch, and you can imagine what happens when a very large object is forcibly squeezed through a very small hole” yeah, the idea of being torn apart in ribbons three inches long doesn’t sit well with you.  Neither does staying here playing physical and mental torture for the next however fucking long, but it’s a  _ little _ more appealing than the shredding.

“You seem to have thought of every scenario”

“Well I went through all our options, same as you.  I would guess the next thing you’d ask is if there was some object to prop the wire up with.  What do you think I would say if you asked that?” you thought about it a moment and found the answer coming to your head quicker than before.

“We don’t have any equipment exactly the right size to keep the pressure the same, and then if we did we would have to find two, and also with the increased gravity if there was a part left sticking out then the structure would slowly tip and release the tension” you sigh, hating how easily it was for her words to just naturally spring from your mouth.

“Yep” she clicked her tongue in discontent.

“Well, we can’t switch off every ten minutes and risk losing the connection” she looks thoughtful for a moment.  Testingly, she turns completely around to lean her back against the wall beside you two.  You don’t question her as she puts one leg on each of your knees and props her knees up to be right under your elbows.  Leaning down a little, she ends up getting to the point where your arms aren’t straining to be held up, they’re just stuck like support beams.  “Does that help?” her voice is smaller now and it brings a small pinch to your chest.

“Yeah, that should fix the problem.  I guess we just hang out and-” you’re caught off guard by something sparking up in a brilliant white fourth of July death trap display.  You almost flinch and move but she’s got her hands on yours on the wire, keeping you in place, knowing you’d react before you did.

You look to her, her eyes wide and fearful as the flashing light plays across her face.  All you want is to reach out and bring her to you but the feeling is quickly followed by a sinking feeling in your stomach.

“Breathe” you say outloud.  She turns her attention back to you questioningly, “We’re at risk for exploding from oxygen content right?  Probably shouldn’t stop putting out that nice safe CO2” you laugh uncomfortably.

“Right” she sighs, her chest pronouncedly rising and falling.  “We really are in a bad spot, huh”

“Yeah, could be better” you mutter, trying not to look directly at her or focus on the closeness of the two of you.  She takes her hands off you slowly, making sure you don’t be flinching again and leans back against the wall.  There’s silence that grips the length of the room and it threatens to consume you entirely.  Words are brimming in your head, every part of you screaming to talk to her.  Maybe this wasn’t the best place, but dammit, if you were about to be incinerated or torn into shreds spewing into space, you were  _ not _ going to do it with the girl in front of you wanting to cry.

“Commander”, “Eiffel” the two of you say at the same time, looking at each other with mouths agape, trying to analyze and course correct.  There’s another loud pop from somewhere deeper into the room and her eyes screw shut with worry.

“I’m sorry” she blurts out before you can get over wanting to hold her.  You blink in confusion, not knowing where this was going.  “I- I can’t, I  _ couldn’t _ handle talking to you so I just let you boil over in your own head.  I shouldn’t have- I didn’t want to,” she wipes the side of her face with her hand quickly, looking off towards the rest of the room.  The lights suddenly switch from a sterile white to a dangerous red, casting everything in strange shadows and hues.

“I know” you admit, getting the feeling things were about to go from bad to worse.  “I’m not exactly the most stand up guy to begin with, I know.  I can’t stop thinking about what I did to you and what I’ve probably  _ been _ doing for the last few weeks.  It shouldn’t have happened, I shouldn’t have put you in that situation, I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you-”

“Eiffel” she cuts you off, her face knotted in what was either confusion or disgust with you.  “You-”

“No, I need to get this off my chest because it’s been eating me alive!” if you didn’t know better you’d say your voice sounded almost desperate.  “I see you and I think about you and slowly but surely all this stuff has just worked it’s way under my head.  I didn’t lie when I told you I just wanted to be closer to get rid of all this distance, but I don’t want to stop, I’m never satisfied.  I feel like I just keep wanting you closer and it’s killing me because I can’t figure out how to stop.  I can’t just turn it off and be done with it, I wish I could but I can’t and,” you have to swallow roughly because there thing that popped went off again but louder, the sound of creaking metal going along with it, “I did something bad, and I should have apologized and made it right but instead I ran away and avoided you, and now we’re  _ probably _ going to die if statistics are still a thing, because we are long overdue.  So there you go, I’m sorry, I messed up big time Renée and I get why you don’t want to touch me or speak to me-”

“Stop it!” she snapped, more than a little angry.  You flinch and both your eyes flash towards the wire above your heads.  She bites her lip and readjusts her composure, “Eiffel, I am your  _ commanding officer _ ”

“I know!  It’s unprofessional and it’s-”

“Not your fault!  Hell, I  _ kissed _ you.  Where in the world is it written that it’s even remotely okay to do that?!  Fucking shit, I couldn’t talk to you because I was too guilty for having forced you into this stupid corner I’ve backed myself into”

“Forced me?  You were practically hysterical and had been unconscious two minutes ago!  I pushed you against the wall, god I wanted to fuck you”

“Well I mastr-” she stopped herself quickly and backtracked her words, leaving you in the dark on what that was about.  “I  _ wanted _ to, that’s the problem.  I wanted to just as much as you but  _ I’m _ supposed to be in charge and  _ I’m _ not supposed to abuse the fact that you can’t disobey me”

“Diso- Commander!  What the fuck?!  I disobey you every single day we’re on this goddamn space turd!  I hardly ever do my work, I steal from reserves, I lie to you, I undermine your authority, and I can guarantee that there’s only a fifty percent chance I  _ don’t _ turn off my comm when you’re issuing orders over it.  Since when do I care about disobeying you?”

“That’s different!  If our roles were switched-”

“It would be the exact same because I  _ want _ you” your words must have finally struck a cord with her because she’s silent now, refusing to let her eyes leave yours.

“Why do you do this to me?” she breathes, a desperate sadness in her voice.  She’s staring at her knees and the red light patch running over them.  “I don’t want to this to be complicated”

“Maybe… it doesn’t have to be?” the sharp flick of her eyes towards your indicate that it’s already gotten complicated.  “Look, I know you have someone back home” she quickly turns her head away, “And I’m not asking for forever.  But you know how I feel, and I know how you feel now.  So here’s the choice and it’s yours to make.  Say no and we stop, I put away all the doors and we walk out the studio with the audience, drive home in separate cars, and start over where we can still be sort of vaguely friendly coworkers.  Or, say yes and we’re just two consenting adults who are trying to cope with being stuck out here, it won’t be an issue when we work, cross my heart and hope to be thrust out the makeshift airlock three feet from us.  You don’t have to be the  _ commander _ and I don’t have to be your plucky insubordinate resident asshole.  Let’s just be two people from a species that relies on others to survive and happened to get in the situation where the only options for physical contact are either vivisection or mentally distorting sexual tension.  Okay, that’s all I got, the rest is up to you” she’s searching your face that will give her any hint as of how to process what she feels.  You already know she won’t find anything.  You’ve said your peace now, the gravity could give way now and kill the two of you.

Actually, that didn’t seem like it was going to be that far off suddenly.

“Minkowski, does it feel-”

“Lighter” she finished, a horrified flush suddenly taking over her face.  You both snap your attention over to the makeshift patch, then back at each other.  Neither of you could doubt that the pressure wasn’t just a shift in the imagination, it would only be a matter of time till the airlock was breached and you were ripped out of the ship.

“Give me the wire, Doug”

“No we need to both go,  _ now _ !”

“The door won’t open without power now give me the wire!”

“Fuck that!  You have a fucking husband just go!”

“I am not letting you die!”

“We don’t have time!  You’ll die for no reason in a few seconds!”

“Stop it!  I gave you a  _ fucking _ order!” she’s screaming and you’re screaming, she’s crying and then you’re crying.  Her hands are on the wire.  Your lips are on hers.  She’s in your lap.  She’s got one hand on the wire, you’ve got yours on the other side of the break.  Your free hand is in her hair.  Hers is wrapped around your waist.  There’s a beeping siren going off now.  She breaks from your kiss and screams her words but it feels as intimate as a whisper. “I can’t survive without you”

“You don’t have to” you actually whisper, kissing her gentle.  She wraps her legs around you and it doesn’t make sense that everything she is can fit inside her small body clinging to you.  It doesn’t make sense that you can love her so violently with every fiber of your being in this moment.  There were a million other things that should be on your mind as you face your demise but you can’t pull a single one up.  There’s just her.  Just this bond that is so absolute and so undefined.  That bond you’re drunk off wanting more of.

You let go of the wire and pull her in with both arms.  She does the same and has her grip in your hair.  You’re kissing frantic, afraid of each and every one being the last, each hasty grab and pull of each other to be the last feeling.  Her tears are on your cheeks now.  You’re okay with that.  You’re okay.

“Gravity stabilization process complete.  Hephaestus status is no longer critical” Hera reads out.  The lights change back to white, the beeping stops, and the blood drains from your body.

Slowly, the two of you release the vice tight grip on the other, not moving away completely though.

“Uh,  _ Hera _ ?” Minkowski calls nervously.

“Yes commander?”

“W-what just happened?”

“Oh, well Hilbert and I rerouted the powerline from the auxiliary system into the main system, then when we had the airlocks stabilized, Hilbert did external repairs which fixed the breach.  The amount of gravity I put in the room would be damaging to decrease all at once so I had to give off pressure warning protocols, hence the lights and sounds”

“Okay but-”

“Hera what the fucking hell was that!  Why the hell weren’t you talking to us!  Why didn’t Dr. Doom let us know what was going on!  What the fucking  _ hell _ was that!?” you scream loud enough to make the commander jerk away from you to protect her ears.

“About that, hmm, I uh, well…  _ maybe _ shut off your comm channel for privacy?”

“What the fuck!?  What the actual fuck!?  This is some straight up Frued- fucking, Pavlove shitting, Batman- oh fuck nevermind!  I am  _ so _ pissed right now Hera, I will give you a proper analogy for how badly I am fucked up now because of you!   _ Fuck! _ ” Minkowski is rubbing her temples painfully, maybe from stress, mostly from your screaming.

“Is everything  _ okay _ ?” she asked, trying to pretend to be calm.

“Yes, more or less.  We’re stable, I’m beginning course corrections once Hilbert gets inside” you lean back, putting your arms out behind you to prop yourself up.  Minkowski slowly unwrapped herself from you and settled to curling up against the wall, just breathing.  That’s all either of you do for a long while.  You feel like you could sleep for ages now, that is until there was a soft sound uttered you didn’t catch.

“Sorry, what?” she looked up from her knees, taking a deep breath and looking to you.

“No”

“Uh”

“The answer to the choice you asked me to make” there’s no tears, no weakness, no more hesitation or internal conflict going on in her anymore.  She is absolute.

“My answer is no”


	6. Blue Moon Red Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. Minkowski explains herself, Eiffel adapts to that, and thus we wrap this hot bun up.

You breathe out a sigh of relief and lean back in the chair, wincing a bit at the screech in the joints of the furniture.

“How do the systems look, Hera?” you ask.

“Everything is stable and running, Commander”

“Good.  Let’s run iteration five seven five again though, the air lock pressure coordinator seems a bit glitchy”

“Already running” you close your eyes and listen to the numbers spin, arms folded behind your head in a state of peace.  You’ve ditched the regulation suit in favor of civvies, a white shirt with a bit of curve to the neck and gray workout pants that were a soft light material which flared out around the ankles.  It was always a bit too cold on the station to wear it but for now you were content to just feel something that wasn’t skin tight duraflex mesh clinging to every pore of your body.  “C-Commander?”

“Yes Hera?”

“Would it be alright to ask you a personal question?” you look over both your shoulders, finding no one around.

“Yes, go ahead”

“I don’t understand what happened between you and officer Eiffel”

“It’s… complicated”

“But you don’t seem upset, I thought at the very least you would a little bit sad” you can’t help but smile a little at that.

“Sometimes there are things that you want, but you know aren’t good.  Eiffel is my teammate and I don’t want to jeopardize that”

“I mean, you aren’t wrong.  It just feels like the two of you should be avoiding each other and upset again.  Not that I want that.  I really do  _ not _ want that”

“Don’t worry, Hera.  Things are a little different this time” you let your eyes drift off towards the window.  It was one of the few one’s not pointed at the star and so all you got back was the dull glimmer of far different and far more interesting stellar bodies somewhere out in the emptiness.  “I think I’m turning in for the night.  Can you finish the iteration?”

“Will do.  Have a good night, Commander” you get a little head rush from the standing up after leaning back for so long.  It goes away quickly as you make your way down to one of the cargo bays, punching in your specific code and retrieving some items from your personal freezer storage pod.  Your hands are shaking a little as you do you.  You told yourself time after time, you had made up your mind, there was nothing more to it.  You made a decision and you were going to stick to it regardless of how badly you wanted to call it off.

When you leave the cargo bay your mind is a mess of excitement and terror.  There were consequences to the sort of things you wanted to do.  You understood these and yet they did nothing to deter you from your plan.  Your feet keep moving, the little bundle of goods swinging in one hand as you try not to let your mind make you turn around from your destination and give in.  

Finally you’re at the door.  You bite your lower lip, if you walk away now you can change everything for the better.  Instead you knock.  It sounds like an earthquake in your chest.  Eiffel opens it up, looking at you confused.  He’s shirtless and in a pair of gym shorts, his squinting eyes indicate he was probably sleeping just now.

“Something wrong, Commander?”

“No” you say softly, “Can I come in though?” he moves aside and let’s you in, shutting the door behind him.

“Give us a minute, Hera” he calls without needing you to ask him.  There’s a little ding from the ceiling that indicates she’s got the picture.  His room was one of the ones facing the star and so the only light is the deep red hue casting everything in half shadows.  “What brings you by?” his voice isn’t casual, it’s low and a little drenched in sleep which you find a bit charming.

“I need to explain myself”

“You don’t have to.  I won’t be ignoring you, promise”

“I want to.  I can’t keep pushing you out” you put the bundle down on the thick window ledge and jump up a little to sit on it, your back against the cold glass and your legs dangling off, barely brushing the floor.  He folds his arms and leans against the window, facing you.  “The truth is Eiffel, I told you no because I realized how much you meant to me.  I thought we were going to die, and I mean  _ actually _ die.  I should have left you there to die.  My life is objectively more important to the success of the mission and in a situation where a necessary casualty has to occur, emotions shouldn’t get in the way of success.  That being said, I realized there was no way I could do that.  Not when it involved you.  I can’t be objective with you, I can’t do what’s necessary when I know it will come at the cost of your life, hell I can’t even properly lead a ship when I think you’re mad at me.  That’s not safe, for you, me, or the crew as a whole”

“I can’t survive without you” he repeats somberly, making your heart pick up the pace a little.

“Yeah.  Exactly.  We can’t be together here.  There are lines in this game we’re playing and eventually if we keep crossing them we’ll lose.  And I can’t lose you”

“So we don’t play” he sighs, “You don’t have to try and convince me.  I was upset a bit before, but now… I guess I just understand.  If us being together ends up putting everything in danger then it’s not worth it” he moves over to stand in front of you, leaning in to press his forehead against yours.  You lean into it to meet him, your eyes shutting.  “You’re the single most important thing to me in lightyears” he whispers, his hands on the ledge on either side of you, his body near you but not against you.  Just his presence, the comfort of him close to you is enough to get every nerve ending on your body singing.  “But you have a life when we get back.  You have a husband, a home, and there won’t be anything stopping you from having a family either.  There’s no place for me in that, but it’s okay.  I never expected there to be”

“But there  _ can _ be” you urge, your throat tight as your thoughts began taking over.  You can see walking off the terminal with him.  You can see the taxi he gets into, the little wave and sad smile he gives you as it takes off.  The last thing he’ll see is your husband holding you in his arms as he goes back to an empty apartment or house somewhere, an empty couch and television waiting for him.  The thought is enough to make you ball your fists and want to fight and scream, to pull him back from whatever end game he’ll be falling into.  “On this ship, I can’t. I can’t keep you and keep you safe at the same time, but when we get back I- I can  _ only _ keep you safe by keeping you”

“That’s not what I’m asking for”

“But  _ I _ am”

“Renee-” you put your hands to the side of his face and kiss him.  It’s the most fragile thing you’ve ever done, not lingering longer than needed because you weren’t done convincing him.

“I thought you were weren’t playing”

“I’m not starting a new game, I’m just finishing this one” you put a hand on his shoulder, trying to nudge him closer to you.  He moves one of his hands against the glass and wraps the other around your waist.

“Where are the lines?”

“Just- I don’t want to be in charge” he understands what you’re asking for.  It’s a distinction that he needs to make.  The commander wouldn’t do this, Minkowski wouldn’t risk it, but Renee was there peeling her shirt off and hissing as he sucked a bruise onto your collar.  You want it all, you want more than you can handle, you want this to satisfy you for the next three years until you step onto the terminal and figure out where to go next.

He pulls you roughly towards the edge of the ledge and presses himself against you.  You can feel his erection on your thigh and it brings a flush to your body.  He digs his thumb into your pants and peels them down, letting them fall onto the floor next to your shirt.  You feel far too exposed as he takes a step back, his hands only on the very edge of the ledge.  He’s looking you up and down, causing a fire under your skin everywhere his eyes drag  over.

“Put your hair down” he instructs.  You raise your arms up slowly, sitting up straight and knowing he appreciates the view from the way he bites his lip.  Your hair ties goes next to the clothes and you run your fingers straight back through it, relaxing the dark brown half curls.  “Take off your bra” your breath hitches, not expecting how much you liked the deep demanding tone you didn’t know he possessed.

You keep eye contact as you undo the black clasp, letting it slide off your arms and drop off one finger onto the ground.  He licks his lips briefly and you know you’re wet.  He moves in towards you now, starting with a kiss that pushes you back against the glass as he deepens it.  He grabs you roughly and you wrap your legs around him, only to find him lifting you up and turning with you in his arms.  The next thing you know you’re flat on your back against the bed, Eiffel on all fours above you.

You bring him down to you because you need to feel him against you.  You swipe your tongue against his lips and he shudders, god you  _ love _ that feeling.  He leaves only to kiss down your jaw, working his way over your neck and collarbone, kissing lightly over the mark he left.  One of his hands starts sliding up your leg, turning at the knee to run over your inner thigh.  You feel your legs threaten to start shaking as you pull in air deeply.

His mouth is hot against the chill of the room.  Lavishly, he drags his tongue around your breast, purposefully avoiding your nipples until he decides to graze his teeth over one while his hand grips your thigh hard.

You gasp at that, your knees twitching closer to each other.  You want to keep your legs apart for him but it’s hard when you just want to capture his hand there and quit the teasing.  He chuckles lowly, now moving to kiss down your stomach.  You decide to grab a fist full of his hair and give him a nudge in the right direction.

He glares up at you dangerously, not giving any warning before he’s taking both his hands off you and capturing your wrists to pin them above your head.  The bed bounces back a little from the force he pins them down with and there’s a surprised and insulted gasp on your lips.  He kisses you roughly, taking your lips hard and heating up the pace.  When he’s got you fully enjoying it he breaks away.

“Is this what you want?” he whispers, his hand on your wrists squeezing to indicate what he means.

“Yes” you hiss, knowing he’d back off if you protested.  He takes that as a good sign to start testing the water because he presses his lower body against you and grinds slow and deliciously.  You can feel his erection right on your sex, the barriers of clothing preventing anything good but it still gets your body shaking.

“Is this how you like it?” he growls in your ear, the heat of his breath tickling your neck.

“ _ Yes _ ” you whine, your eyes shut and head back as you try and move your hips against him more.  He grinds against you again, harder this time so the bed gives some spring back.  Somehow the creak of the bed was the most erotic thing to you now.  His breathing is getting heavier and he has to stop before it gets too good.  Instead, he takes one hand off your wrists and runs it down your side, going all the way to run a circle over the outside of your panties.  There’s a moan in your throat you’re trying desperately not to let out.

“God, you’re dripping wet” he whispers to you as he bites your earlobe, his hand sliding under the material and one finger slipping inside you.  You know he’s not exaggerating by how easily it slides in.  You forget about your efforts of trying to keep quiet.

“I need you” you hiss desperately.  He’s reached his limit of being able to tease you because he’s sitting up, grabbing your legs together so he can pull off the black panties, losing them quickly in the darkness of the sheets.  He rolls his shorts off and you can see his cock as he lines it up to you.  You bite your lip to try and hide the smirk on your face, knowing that you were going to enjoy this greatly.

You definitely had never guessed that the officer you spent the better portion of the year yelling at would be the one slowly sliding into you, those hungry, dark eyes locking onto yours to feast on every reaction you were failing to keep to yourself.  He got all the way inside you before he decided to move, snapping his hips to bring a near scream to your lips.  His chest rose and fell in deep pants as he let go of his restraint and started up a pace.  Conservative turned quickly into relentless as he was urged on by your gasps that came with every thrust.  The feeling of him inside you was enough to make your head spin.  He went all the way in every time and brushed against your clit, teasing with just enough stimulation to make you lose your composure.

You feel like you’re melting away at the edges.  Your mind refuses to process anything but the moment around you, every little place where the two of you meet feels like a permanent placement.  It feels like there’s some kind of aura around you because you can’t compute even the simplest of thoughts.  It has been far too long without touch like this, or even just contact in general.  But it’s not just drunk endorphins, it’s Eiffel too.  He’s attentive and all encompassing, it feels like there isn’t a single part of your body that isn’t of some importance to the act.  He wraps your hair around his hand to expose your neck for his mouth and god, you had no idea how much you  _ wanted _ that.

“I love-” he puts his lips to yours so you don’t say it.  You really appreciate that.  Your mind feels like it’s numb as he takes your hand and puts it between your legs.  It’s almost too slick but the contact is still good.  You can’t help but divulge farther into this feeling taking over your body and mind.  He’s thick and hot inside you.  He’s safe and strong tangled around you.  He’s cursing and lavishing you in deep kisses as he stiffens and thrusts into you with little control over himself.  The feeling of him cumming in you is enough to send you over the edge.  You feel yourself tightening around him and you have to break away from his lips so you could release the desperate cry in your chest.

Your body is made of lightning, a long pulsing shock that refuses to subside as quickly as the times you had done it to yourself.  You know yours lasts longer than his because he’s softening as you’re just getting control of your limbs again.  He pulls out of you slowly, rolling to your side and pulling the covers up around you from where the had been kicked off the bed at some point.  You roll to face him, feeling safe and tucked away in between his shoulder and chest.  You wonder if you have ever met him back on earth.  If maybe some drunken bar night would have led you back to his place, or if he’d be the kind of person you wouldn’t even make eye contact with.  You wondered what your husband would say about him, if he’d laugh at you for thinking the weirdo was cute or punch him out for being a threat.  No, you can’t really see your husband punching anyone, he was more of a taser guy.  Yeah, he would taser the shit out of Doug.

“Oh” you opened your eyes as you remembered something, “Go get the stuff” you point over at the ledge where you put your things.  Eiffel rolls his eyes and gives a dramatic sigh as he leaves the bed to go retrieve it.  You unapologetically stare at him as he leaves.  He flops down back onto the bed and pulls the covers up again before opening it up.

“What even is this?”

“Peace offering” there are two silver pouches marked with ‘Blue Moon.  ALC 12.6%’ and two crisp red and yellow striped apples.

“Holy shit is this  _ beer _ ?”

“It’s decent beer.  Also it’s pretty concentrated so go easy”

“Oh my god, now if only you had a cigarette hidden somewhere on you I’d be in heaven” you shake your head, a smile on your lips as you take a bite of your apple, the sweetness and taste of earth invading your senses.  You close your eyes and the dream of sunlight and water lapping at your feet.

“How long have you been a smoker?”

“Hmm, since I was fifteen?”

“Then don’t you think it’s time to let it go?”

“Look, when you can give me something that gives you that nice of a buzz and makes you look cool as fuck,  _ then _ you can tell me to quit”

“You could always try vaping”

“I said make me look cool, not like a douchebag” he stretches an arm out over you, clinking his little beer pouch against yours before biting the built in straw, taking a long sip.  You put the apple down beside you, reaching up and holding onto his arm with both your hands, enjoying the feeling of him just being there.  “Come on now, what’s one of your vices?”

“Hmm… I like bars”

“I can tell from your very limited items you are allowed to bring onboard”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a very big drinker, I just like the scene I guess.  There’s a certain intimacy of being in the nice one’s where there’s just some low music and fake gas lighting.  I’m not a fan of the modern pop and neon light one’s”

“I think I know a place I’d like to take you when we get back” he smiles.  You turn your head to meet his eyes, knowing there was a promise in that.  When the two of you got back, alive and within contact.  No disappearing act, no taxi farewell, no inevitable goodbye.  But you knew it wouldn’t be the same as the ship.  The Doug and Renee on earth wouldn't’t be the same one’s on the ship.  It would have to be up to the both of you to decide if those people would still be the same one’s clinging to each other with the sweat of sex still on your skin.

There wasn’t any promise that it would work.  But there was the promise that he’d be there to try.  You couldn’t give him the promise your husband wouldn’t try to kill him, wouldn’t feel incredibly hurt by you, would never forgive you.  The thought would have bothered you more, but you’ve accepted that some things were just meant to be dealt with when the time comes.

You settle yourself against him, basking in the feeling of protection that his arms around you gave.  He’s not hard but he’s not soft either against your leg, a little forewarning that if you wanted it, there was more to come before you had to leave this bed and put on your defenses for the rest of this crazy spacey danger ride.  You’re more than a little excited for round two, you have some ideas afterall.  But for now, the two of you seem perfectly content to just be here, in this moment, red starlight and all.

“So, what’s your horoscope?” he says in his best exaggerated flirty voice,  a smug smile on his face that brings a laugh out of you.  He’s completely and hopelessly under your skin, and you can’t pretend you aren’t loving it.  You can’t even blame it on the oxygen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is there the possibility to continue this story planet side? Yes, though I don't really know where I'd go as of right now. With any luck I did credit to their relationship. If the ending is confusing at all I apologize, they are in fact learning how to be open with each other and be friends in a healthier manner. Thank you for your readership, I do hope my future works get as much love as you've all given me on this one <3


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